Overall, this was a good week in terms of training.

Running … this week I ran around 29 miles. Sunday, I did 11 plus miles. I broke it up into two runs – the first I did around 4 miles and the second I did around seven. Overall, my body felt okay afterwards, but I was just completely wiped out. This run was also at the gym and not outside, but at least my legs are getting use to running for the period of time. Each day following, I did at least three miles; most days I did around three and half to 4 miles. On average, my runs are around 30 minutes. Again I am in doors and not outdoors. I noticed towards the beginning of the week my runs were quicker and almost effortless. As the week progresses, it seems as if they take more effort.

Saturday morning I missed marathon training group again. I just could not pull myself out of bed at 5:30 am to go running. My body said no. I slept a bit longer and then went to gym mid morning… big mistake the gym was packed.

Weight training continues to be hard. I think this can be contributed to three things. First, I have a phobia of weights. I feel like I know what I need to do but when it comes to doing it, I freeze. A great fear comes over me when I walk into the weight area at the gym and I forget what I know how to do. Working with trainer definitely made weight training easier for me. I had not seen the trainer for now three weeks and definitely can tell my weight training is missing it. It is as if I need someone to help with the correct form and encourage me. It also makes walking into the free weight area easier. I feel less intimidated with a partner than what I do when I am alone in the weight area. Finally, I think running is wearing my body down and I am too exhausted to focus on proper weight training. I keep thinking about switching it up but I never do it; it is habit that I run first and end up never changing up that habit.

Eating … is a subject I don’t even want to discuss. I honestly think I have forgotten how to eat correctly. My appetite is screwed up … to put it bluntly. I have been doing a lot of stress eating. When I say stress eating I meaning eating things I know I should not. One thing that does not make it easier is that on Friday nights our neighbors like to sit out, have a few drinks, and unwind. While I greatly enjoy this… this makes getting up and running Saturday a killer. I am also consuming a bunch of “empty” calories, which I do not need. I need to figure out away to not drink and still be social. The hot weather also makes me not want to not cook… This equates to fixing things that are easy but not healthy.

Overall, I am still questioning why I want to run a half-marathon. I think the bottom line is that it gives me something to work towards. I know I can do it. I think the training schedule is a little bit more than challenging than what I expected. When I say challenging, I think I mean more time consuming. Spending close to 2 hours at the gym, a day is starting to get old to put bluntly and I feel guilty about it but then I question what else I would be doing with my time and being at the gym seems to make sense. Working out with a trainer at least twice a week definitely helped to change things up a little, I hope getting back on course with the trainer will help.

I think this weekend I reached a mental melting point when it came to training. I was just done, I think I could have walked away from training from the gym and just could have been done with all. I think there was a point I didn’t care about losing anymore weight or training for the marathon or nothing. The thought of putting ear buds in my ears, getting all hot and sweaty, just flat turned my stomach. I pushed through and went to the gym and did a good workout.

Part of my mental melt down I think had to do with how I looked and felt. I had a bad flare up with acne over the weekend and going to gym and getting hot and sweaty makes my face burn and hurt even worse. Additionally, it makes me feel ugly and I did not want to be seen in public – even if it was at the gym. It’s a real battle for me right now… sometimes I just want to cry in middle of my runs because my face hurts (starts burning) so badly; that was case this weekend. After I came home and took a shower … it just burned so bad… nothing I seemed to put on calm it down and felt yucky (ugly). I think that all played into my mental melting point. I think the other part of the mental melting point came from loneliness at the gym. I long for a workout partner, someone to connect with while at the gym.

This week, my goal is do three plus miles each day again. I also need to do some speed work. I am going to continue to try to focus on weight. I am also trying to figure out what is going on with the trainer… we getting back on schedule or I am going to be trying to find a new schedule.