I started this blog after I encountered a major hurdle in life.   I am never sure if I really used the blog in the way I intended but rather in away to keep up with how life was going and what I was doing.

It’s the beginning of 2017 and I am lost again.   This time I have returned home to take care of my mom, after she had foot reconstruction surgery. What I thought was going to be a 3-week stay has now double and continues to get longer.

Coming back “home” after being gone is not easy. Being away from your husband, friends, the comforts of the home you established, your pets, job, and general routine and schedule is neither easy nor fun. It’s very challenging. At times it’s down right frustrating and depressing. I think tonight I reached my breaking point.

I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and it just hit me … the Amy I found and was so happy with, is no longer.   It’s just not because I am away from home and away from the comforts I am use to, but because I lost focus on the true Amy and on maintaining that Amy.   Now I am asking myself the question, how do I get back to that true Amy? Plus, I wonder if that Amy even exist anymore or if she has changed and grown?

The biggest challenge or issue is that I keep telling myself I will fix things when I get home. When I get home I will change, again.   Well I think that is part of problem, the change needs to begin now. It does not need to depend on me being in a certain place or having certain comforts or people around. It depends on me knowing what I want, accepting what I need to do to get there and doing it.

So what do I want? I want the Amy back that is physically and emotionally fit, that can handle anything, professionally secure, intelligent and over all happy.

What is it going to take for me to get there? This is a loaded questions, it is going to take lots of focus. It going to take me finding time to get back to the gym, to eating healthy, to finding time to grow my mind, to let my mind relax, finding time for friends, love ones and for myself and above all reconnecting with the things I enjoy.

How am I going to do this? I am going start by examining myself daily – what I am thinking, how I am feeling, what do I need to do to fine peace and comfort within and am I doing what I need to be doing to be the person I want to be.   This also includes making time for the gym, eating healthier and holding myself accountable to do so. Additionally it includes communicating what I need to the people around me.   Then it includes setting and knowing my limits.

Today is a new day … Carpe Diem, Semper Fidelis … Seize the day and always be loyal to you.