It has been roughly 40 days since I last posted. My goal was to write every day during Lent to help work through the emotional loss of my fifth failed pregnancy through IVF. However, I found it hard to write. Yet, the past 40 days were a time of renewal. That renewal happened through life simply happening.  

In many ways, I am not sure where the last 40-plus days have gone recently. Regardless, life happened. And, I do mean there was a lot of life happening. Life’s Journey is an adventure. Embracing that adventure was an essential step for me.

I will be blunt the end of February and most of the month of March was hard. I have been dealing with a significant loss, deciding the best way to move on, and thinking a lot about the next step. Yet, I did not let life stop; I kept pushing through. Somehow, as I kept “going,” “doing,” and “pushing through,” renewal occurred. I am not entirely healed or know my direction, but I am figuring things out.

I have found renewal in everything that happened over the past 40-plus days. While I have not written about them, I want to remember or document those events that got me moving forward. These experiences helped renew me and were part of my 40-day Journey.

Below is a recap or documentation of life happening – well, the significant things (lol).

Date night to see Alton Brown

Allyn and I have always made it a point to see Alton Brown when he does a live stage show. We almost skipped this performance but decided to get tickets. In my opinion, this show was one of his best. It was a good combination of comedy, music, cooking, and science – all the things Allyn and I love.

During the pandemic, his YouTube show Quarantine Quitchen became a favorite of mine. The show also made me a fan of his wife, Elizabeth Ingram Brown. So I was quite happy that she was part of the show.

Ran my first race of 2022 – The Bockfest 5k in Over the Rhine in Cincinnati

Running has become one of my favorite things over the past couple of years. I find it challenging yet relaxing. After a leg injury and then starting graduate school, I gave up running for a while, but I have gradually been getting back into it. This year, I challenged myself by signing up for the Cincinnati Beer Series. The first race was on March 5 – three days after my pregnancy loss. Knowing what my body was going through, I probably should not have run the 5k, but I did. Although I did not run the Bockfest 5k in any record time. It was a HUGE personal achievement, given all my body had gone through days prior (and was still going through).

Celebrating my mom’s 70^th birthday

In the middle of the month, my mom celebrated her 70^th birthday. Of course, we had to celebrate. We enjoyed an afternoon at the spa for a short massage, pedicures, and facials. That evening, we had dinner at Season’s 52, then it was home for presents and cake. We love having her up here and being able to spoil her whenever possible, especially on special occasions like this

Participated in Yoga Nidra and sound meditation

This year I have finally made time to practice yoga. Although I have not been practicing yoga that long it has helped me in so many ways. On the Saturday of the Spring Equinox, I participated in yoga Nidra and sound meditation. It was relaxing and renewing all at the same time. I almost fell asleep during a yoga class, which is a first in many ways. For me relaxing is hard, and yoga has helped in many ways. Yoga has also become an element of balance in my life.

Easter/Spring décor

One of my passions is keeping the house up with seasonal décor. As a kid, one of my favorite traditions with my mom and grandmother was changing out the home décor items seasonally – new flowers, figurines for the season, etc. When I started living on my own, I kept this tradition. For several different reasons – mainly time – this is something I scaled back on considerably over the past few years, especially during the spring. This year I was able to get out my Easter décor and decorate. The best part about seasonal decorating and changing décor is that the house always gets picked up and cleaned, which is always a good thing. 

Girl’s night out at Copper Hawk Winery

Throughout most of March, one of my good friends and I had not had time to connect and catch up, so we met up at Cooper’s Hawk Winery and Restaurant for dinner. I think the night was just what both of us needed. A few hours of good food, good company, and good conversation were what we both needed. For me, this was also a chance to try a new restaurant. Their food and wine were amazing, by the way. We even splurged and dessert.

A last-minute trip to New York City

A key to getting through and moving on from everything that occurred recently was a last-minute trip to New York City/Long Island. Literally, the day that everything went down with the pregnancy, Allyn’s cousin called us to invite us up for some family stuff. While I am not sure why the invitation and the trip were both big turning points in my renewal. One thing I am learning about myself is that through looking forward and doing, I heal.

Our trip to New York City/Long Island was epic – we saw family/friends, celebrated a family milestone, did research at the New York Public Library, took in two shows (The Music Man and Hamilton), had some fantastic dinners, and explored new parts of Manhattan. Getting to travel again felt so good. 

Dissertation Research at the New York Public Library

Working on a dissertation during the pandemic is hard. With archives closed, I requested many materials through Inter-Library Loan, but not all of the materials I asked for could not be loaned out. This was the case with some materials from the New York Public Library (NYPL).

Getting to research at the NYPL was huge for me. Their research/reading rooms are iconic and very grand. Also, the process of doing research again felt good. Doing so renewed my commitment to getting the dissertation written. Sitting in the research room, waiting for the materials to be brought out, I realized how much I missed doing research and how much doing research is part of me.

A mother-daughter Sunday at the Cincinnati Ballet

While my mom and I see each other almost daily, we don’t always get to spend much time together, just two of us. Thus, spending an afternoon at the Cincinnati Ballet to see their performance of Snow White was the perfect outing for us. Albeit the performance was meant for younger kids, the dancing was fun to watch. Getting away for a few hours, just the two of us, was good.

Participating in Easter Triduum

Holy Week has always been important to my family. Even when I was not heavily involved in church or attending regularly, I would take time to participate in the Triduum masses – Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday. While each year’s service is the same, they are also different. These services, rooted in historic scripture, help remind me of our faith and why we believe. This year I did Holy Thursday and Good Friday services in person, but after spending three hours in church on Friday, I had enough, so I watched the Easter Vigil mass from St. Patrick. For me, Mass is Mass regardless if you are in person or virtual – you are in the presence of God. I know some people in the Catholic church might disagree with my view, but for me about limits, and that is what I could handle at that moment in my life.

An Easter outing to the Cincinnati Zoo to see Zoo Blooms              

             

Easter means new life in various forms. Seeing plants bloom after a long fall and winter makes me happy. Easter is a prime time for this. At the Cincinnati Zoo, all the flowers are in bloom, particularly the annuals, like tulips and daffodils. The display at the Cincinnati Zoo is quite impressive; thus, it has become a tradition. I never get tired of seeing so many flowers in bloom.

It was a little colder this year, but the sun was out. We got there at 9 am and almost had the zoo to ourselves. After the zoo, we enjoyed a lovely Easter lunch at Maggiano’s. The best part of it is that all three of us were together.